Marry Me

directed by Kat Coiro - 4/10

Upon seeing the trailer for Marry Me before I watched Spencer with my friends last fall, my first thought was that I would never EVER sit down to watch this movie. It would be an absurd Valentine's Day cash-grab with zero substance and horrible music - but this week, I found myself with the same group of friends, getting tickets to our local drive-in to watch Marry Me on the big screen. None of my preconceptions about the film were wrong, but I failed to anticipate it also being one of the most amusing films of the year.

After the planned, public marriage of the world’s biggest pop stars goes awry, the bride chooses a nondescript fan from the audience, to whom she subsequently marries as a joke, and Marry Me chronicles the events that unfold after this bizarre incident. While the premise is fairly vapid, its absurdity is still thoroughly entertaining. However, if you’ve seen the trailer, there is absolutely no reason to buy a ticket to see this movie - the bulk of the plot was revealed in the film’s marketing campaign, and what is left for the viewer to discover is so predictable that it borders on ironic. 

However, romcoms thrive on this tried-and-true formula and Marry Me exploits the public admiration for this genre to its fullest extent. It is packed with classic romcom cliches and coincidences, and both Owen Wilson and Jennifer Lopez deliver performances that are incredibly conventional and forgettable. The supporting cast is an eclectic mix of millennial comedic figures and celebrities that clearly signed on for a hefty check and did the bare minimum in terms of their acting ability - another standard feature of the modern romantic comedy genre. The plot and performances may be cringey and accustomed, but they are still laughably entertaining. 

The only truly irredeemable aspect of this film is the music. Marry Me features far too many original songs from Jennifer Lopez (Kat Valdez) and Maluma (Bastian). The songs feature abominable, whiny, robotic vocals and stomach-churning melodies. They differ so little from each other but are played at such frequency that they manage to all distinctly implant themselves in your brain in the days following your viewing. The first song we see performed live is indicative of the musical tone for the rest of the film - an electronic church organ sounds and a slew of backup singers clad in bedazzled cornettes fill the stage around Jennifer Lopez, harmonizing the word “church” repeatedly as she intones painfully ordinary lyrics and prayer-related similes. 

Overall, Marry Me is a tired and formulaic romcom that’s entertaining at times but insufferable at others - no one will argue that this is a well-made movie, but if you want to turn your brain off and mindlessly enjoy something with absolutely no stakes and no surprises, this is the film for you. 

Marry Me was released on February 11, 2022 and is currently in US theatres and streaming on Peacock.